It seems so silly to live your life in fear of the future. And yet how can that be helped? Each time life takes you to a good place you get so comfy and warm and safe that you would rather bury your head in the sand than catch the next wave of change. And yet the sad truth is- we all tread lonely paths - isnt it?
You can fight the good fight and carry at max one other person along. A lover, a parent, a child - bend fate so life's changes encompass you both - but how can you ever hope to carry along a group of friends, siblings, short lived but infinitely dear pets? How can you carry along life as you know it ?
Thats' not even the only fear. There are other greater fears. Fear of rejection, fear of trading a plush job for the uncertain life of a student, fear of the wrong choice, fear of putting yourself on the line and proving to yourself what you knew a little all along - you' re stupid, you' re weak, you're not worth any better.
I dont know when or how these fears start. Remember when you were little and you took leaps of faith. You would jump of a bridge into knee deep water trusting nothing bad would ever happen. Did the hope carry you through each dive or was it the implicit trust you placed in your ability to land right? You would rush onstage with nothing more than the fading memory of a poem or a song. Was it your cuteness that propelled you through general embarassment or your faith that your performance had blown their brains?
What I do remember is the first time I failed. The first time I felt less infallible. I remember it repeating and I remember coming to terms with the fact that success might not be the norm. Then ofcourse I read Ayn Rand and felt like a loser.
What I know now is that my dreams have suddenly become proof of a parallel Hiesenburgs principle. At any given its probability of success is inversely proportional to my want of it. Up close its a nightmare.
What I know also, is that we are all a little alike. We are all scared to come to terms with the fact that we are scared. We bluff through it seeking the company of others who are as scared as we are.
Pessimistic? Definitely. Scary? Well, honey - Truth is.
You can fight the good fight and carry at max one other person along. A lover, a parent, a child - bend fate so life's changes encompass you both - but how can you ever hope to carry along a group of friends, siblings, short lived but infinitely dear pets? How can you carry along life as you know it ?
Thats' not even the only fear. There are other greater fears. Fear of rejection, fear of trading a plush job for the uncertain life of a student, fear of the wrong choice, fear of putting yourself on the line and proving to yourself what you knew a little all along - you' re stupid, you' re weak, you're not worth any better.
I dont know when or how these fears start. Remember when you were little and you took leaps of faith. You would jump of a bridge into knee deep water trusting nothing bad would ever happen. Did the hope carry you through each dive or was it the implicit trust you placed in your ability to land right? You would rush onstage with nothing more than the fading memory of a poem or a song. Was it your cuteness that propelled you through general embarassment or your faith that your performance had blown their brains?
What I do remember is the first time I failed. The first time I felt less infallible. I remember it repeating and I remember coming to terms with the fact that success might not be the norm. Then ofcourse I read Ayn Rand and felt like a loser.
What I know now is that my dreams have suddenly become proof of a parallel Hiesenburgs principle. At any given its probability of success is inversely proportional to my want of it. Up close its a nightmare.
What I know also, is that we are all a little alike. We are all scared to come to terms with the fact that we are scared. We bluff through it seeking the company of others who are as scared as we are.
Pessimistic? Definitely. Scary? Well, honey - Truth is.
